. . .
Of Not Being Blessed
With Children (Yet)
Alhamdulillah, one of the most frequently asked questions that I get, after being married for 7 years is, “How do you cope with negative feelings that come with not having children yet?”
Which brings me to the topic of the rizq of bearing children, in which I reflect from my own experiences being part of a childless marriage. If there are any other fellow wives who can relate to my circumstances, I hope this reflection will soothe you insha-Allah.
So, this is my story. I got married at 25, and while I was unmarried previously, I didn’t have any issues with my menses, alhamdulillah.
But if you’re married like me, you likely already know that your body and hormones start to change after this pivotal moment in your life, where you transition into being a married woman.
And as per Allah SWT’s qadr, problems with my menses started to surface in the months to come.
Sometimes, three months would go by without even a single drop of blood. Once this issue prolonged, my husband and I decided to schedule a checkup.
As it turns out, I was going through a very normal syndrome for women to experience, which went by the name of PCOS. One of the symptoms of PCOS is that you might gain a considerable amount of weight at a rapid pace.
That was what I personally went through.
This marked the start of my weight loss journey, where I sought out treatments here and there, including taking countless hormone pills and injections. These were all done to help get my menses back on track every month so that I could kick-start my plans to conceive.
Years went by and we kept putting our best foot forward. There were days where I wanted to cry from how tired I was.
On other days, I felt like I could do this and let things play out at their own pace, come what may.
But I won’t lie, there were also days where all I wanted to do was give up all that I was doing. Because physically, mentally and emotionally, I was drained.
This was such a challenging phase of my life overall, especially when my husband and I were together in a public gathering, surrounded by so many other people. After all, we were newly married and naturally, everyone would be excited at the thought of us having kids.
There were an overwhelming number of occasions and questions surrounding this. During this time in our lives, my husband and I learned to control our emotions. We learned to not let the same questions affect us too much, to think positively and take things in stride, alhamdulillah.
More years went by. In fact, this year marks our 7th year anniversary. Alhamdulillah, we have yet to be blessed with children, but Allah SWT truly knows best.
Is ours a sad story? Well, to be honest, there are still days that despite all my years of training, my emotions can still sometimes get the best of me. These are the days where I cry my heart out, cry as if there’s no hope of tomorrow.
Some days, we’d wake up and think, “How great would it be, that in this household of two, one day, we’d get to hear the pitter-patter of tiny feet too?”
So, when these overflowing feelings of longing and loneliness try to wipe me out, I’d pay a visit to my sister’s house and play with my niece.
It helps keep those feelings in check. Because when these feelings start, they come so unexpectedly, with no warning whatsoever.
When I see my friends’ updates online, about their pregnancies or deliveries, I can’t help but feel a twinge of sadness for myself. Sometimes, when my husband and I are getting ready to attend a family event, I’ll overthink about how people might think, “Wow, they’re still not pregnant yet?”
When in reality of course, no one would say such a thing.
If you’ve gone through similar experiences, you’ll likely know exactly what I’m talking about. And I haven’t even touched on when I overthink about how childlessness can sometimes lead to separation. Because of course, which married couple wouldn’t want kids, right?